Testimonies

Judy's Story

I am almost 60 and happily married to a wonderful man. I have four children: two daughters and one son, who have given me 14 beautiful grandchildren. I have another son - my first - who waits for me in Heaven.

Back in 1965 when I fell pregnant I had only recently turned 16. I had never had a boyfriend - you didn't in those days - but I also didn't have a dad. (My dad died when I was 5.) Looking for male affirmation, I unwittingly got myself into a situation that led to my being raped by a man in his 20's, who I had only just met. I was home too late that night and my mother was so angry about that. Because I was so scared of her anger I didn't tell her about the rape even when I was almost 13 weeks pregnant and I had to tell her I was having a baby. A combination of concern for what the neighbours would think; shock that her daughter could be such "a bad girl" and fright when the local doctor she appealed to threatened to call the police, all led to hasty secret arrangements for a quick trip to Sydney. At 15 weeks the abortion was performed and true to her word to me, my mother never brought up the subject again. I don't know if she ever thought about it, but I know that I effectively buried it away somewhere in my subconscious. While at university I got involved in dialogue about a "woman's right to choose." I was for it, and used to say such things as "I wouldn't have one myself but..." all the while forgetting I already had. Years later when I learnt that my teenage daughter might be pregnant (she wasn't) my first thought was for an abortion.

15-16 years later...

I had three children, was a committed Christian who was active in our local church, and happily married. To outsiders I probably looked like I had it all together. Since nobody knew about the abortion they didn't connect it with my being an extremely impatient and overly strict mum; they probably never noticed how uncomfortable I was around young babies, and certainly didn't know about the hundreds of times I prayed to be forgiven for the feelings of anger and hatred toward my kids- and for the emotional and physical abuse. After all I worked with children, was a great organizer of events for kids - so why would it occur to anyone that I was really quite disinterested in them? On my part, I'd decided that I lacked the "maternal instinct", forgetting how from a young age all I'd wanted was to be a mother. ....When I look back, I wonder how far I would have gone, had God not intervened.

One day in the early 1980's something happened to bring back the vivid memory of that abortion. I was home alone and it was like a massive dam burst inside me. All the pain and grief and guilt and fear came pouring out I clearly remember the gut-wrenching sobs that went on and on and on and on. Even when this stopped, it seemed another dam was about to overwhelm me. The knowledge I needed to confront the abortion I’d buried for so long and the fear that knowing brought, led me to call on a counsellor friend. With his help and the Lord’s love and grace, I was amazingly and wonderfully forgiven and healed that day. It was the beginning of a process that has set me free and allowed me to learn to really love my children and their children.

God’s healing in my own life has also enabled me help many other post-abortive women over a 22 year period. In that time, I’ve heard from many other women who had difficulty bonding with their later-born children, or have acknowledged neglect, or emotional or physical abuse that they directly relate back to their own abortions. I also know that many others live with a fear that something bad will happen to their kids because of what they have done. These are the ones who cannot forget no matter how hard they try. It’s been a joy to let them know that the God who loved, forgave and healed me, could do the same for them, and many have experienced this for themselves.

Oh yes .....I have another son. His name is Robert and our first meeting will be a big bear hug.

Judy.

Doctor wanted to abort.......

At the age of 45 my mother went to the doctor, as she was quite unwell.  They found that she had cists on her womb and decided that she would need to be operated on as soon as possible believing that the cists may turn cancerous if not treated.

When they performed the operation, they proceeded to open her right to the womb but could not go any further because they found that she was about 2 months pregnant.  The doctor at the time felt that there was no way this baby would now survive due to the facts that a foetus that young would die from the chloroform and from the shock and procedure of the operation, also because my mother did have the cists and that she was very ill.  He decided that the best thing to do would be to abort the pregnancy, as this would be the best option for both the mother and the baby.  The matron of the hospital happened to be in the operating theatre and when the doctor suggested the abortion, she stated ‘Not in my hospital you won’t’.

I praise God for this matron because I would not be here today if it wasn’t for her.  My mother did have a struggle with her health during her pregnancy with me, but when I was born, she had no labour or birth pains what so ever and I was a very strong and healthy baby, my mother also recovered very well.

Doctor suggested that I abort my baby...

When I was 25 I was not well with thyroid malfunctions and had been put on medication from my specialist.  I remember at one of my check ups he told me very plainly the worst thing I could do was to fall pregnant because of the medication I was on and that if I did it would be very possible that the baby would be Down syndrome.

Unbeknownst to me I was already 6 weeks pregnant.  I had another visit with my specialist, which made me approx 8 weeks pregnant and told him that I was already pregnant.  He gave me the choice of coming off my medication and risk my health to have the baby or stay on the medication and see a doctor about an abortion.  Thyroid can be a dangerous illness if not treated, therefore leaving my decision very difficult.

I went to see a doctor and he strongly advised me to have the abortion.  I was risking my health and really for nothing because the baby would more than likely be Down syndrome.  He told me I had 4 weeks to consider what I was going to do.  After much painful consideration, I decided to risk my health and have the baby anyway because I knew that what was inside me was alive and growing.  Even if he had have been down syndrome I felt that I didn’t have the right to make that choice for HIS life and I knew that I would love him anyway.  6 months later I gave birth to a beautiful healthy little boy (recent picture below) and my health was soon back to normal.

Christine